Why conquering fear is bad for us...

Here is a grossly misunderstood thing about fear. Fear is not something to be conquered. The more you try to overcome it, it will resist and push back. Don’t war with fear! Don’t just breathe into fear. It will dissipate in the moment and come back with a vengeance. Hello anxiety attack! 

One of my favourite fear experts Kristen Ulmer (elite extreme skier and author of The Art of Fear) has worked on the mathematics of fear invasion: 

Suffering = Discomfort x Resistance

Resisting fear is exhausting. The discomfort amplifies with denial. Instead, why not have a healthy relationship with fear? Let it live but not rule. Let it motivate you instead of cripple you. Kristen, who doubles as a Zen master these days, advises us to have an inclusive relationship with fear. You heard that right. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Make friends with fear! She prescribes three simple mindfulness steps to bring fear into your inner circle: 

1. Be aware of your fear

Where in your body does it show up? Is your heart jumping out of your chest? Are your thoughts moving faster than a speeding bullet? Are you retracting into the corner that no one puts baby in?

Awareness is being mindful of your physiological reactions. This detonates the immediate danger our amygdala mostly misidentifies as life-threatening. In doing so the threat severity downgrades and makes way for a rational diagnosis. 

2. Acknowledge your fear and let it speak to you

Now that you are tuned in, what are you telling yourself? Common self talk loop patterns include...It’s not safe, it’s not fair, I’m powerless, I’m not enough, this sucks, I suck. I should of... yada yada yada.. You go down a hashtag chain and land on a conclusion that is simply not true. YOU don’t suck. YOU have choice. Your mind is a complex resourceful computer. Forgive yourself for having a reptilian brain haemorrhage moment.

3. Let fear empower you

So you're human and you’ve been wound up. All is fine. You just swallowed a Fearnax and your super power of keep calm and choose is kicking in. You have the opportunity to choose your reaction. Expose your choices:

• What can you do that you have dominion over?

• What can you release that you have no power to control?

• How resourceful will this thought or action be?

Say YES to resourceful thoughts and NO to those that won’t serve you or the highest good of the situation - you are an evolved human with soul after all.  

When you process fear in this way you move away from the dark grip of fright. You start feeling the magic. Yes, I repeat, you sifted the muddy water and found gold! That treasure is perspective. Perhaps you've cultivated a new belief about yourself that’s helpful vs ruinous? Perhaps you’ve said no to hiding behind a safe but comfortable scenario and found your risky problem. The one that will make you grow and advance. The one that will leave behind that icky stuck feeling?

Congratulate yourself. You’ve spun the outcome by adjusting your resistance. Let’s look at the new equation:

Empowerment = Awareness x Feeling ÷ Choice

The fruits of your daily fear practice will literally resuscitate you. Introducing the new companions in your life...Wisdom, Strength, Reinvention, Excitement, Aliveness. We don’t all have to be extreme athletes like Kristen Ulmer to feel alive. Embracing fear is an extreme sport in and of itself. Fear is like the skis we bolt on to navigate the slopes of life. Sure sometimes we fall but when we fly and tumble in the air - oh what a feeling! We are one with our world. Let this image of integration help you in times where there is so much pummelling of negativity in the news. Yes, we are in a new age and it’s scary and triggering.

Industry collapses, job losses, worldwide life loss and an economic downturn are hovering and challenging all systems and humans. There is cause for alarm and our fear is real. Hail it, respect it, feel it and work through it. 

Your newfound behavioural flexibility will influence your peoples and they will influence their peoples and so on. Until we collectively dismantle the underlying terrors of the past and make way for a collective consciousness that operates on a higher vibration. In the meantime remember that YOU are resourceful and you will find the way, and the way will be just splendid, because you’ve made peace with fear. 

#makefriendswithfear #kristenulmer #behavioural flexibility #theartoffear